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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The Importance of Connections

Four hours so far this week. I'm considering by the domain name Would revamp the site, and all that good stuff, but I think it might be necessary. Running this thing off blogspot is nice and easy, but I can't do everything I want with the site. Just a thought.

I'm a believer that connections are everything. They're at least as important as talent. More important than hard work. In life, when you break everything down to the fundamentals, all you really have is connections. Friendships, lovers, family, colleagues. Everything builds from that. 

Don't believe me? Piss off a teacher in school and see how much extra help you get. Become a teacher's pet and see how much you improve in a year. You're route in life, from a very early age, is determined by the relationships you form.

This is a problem for me. Two things bug me above all else: rudeness and stupidity. I'm not always the most tactful person, but I honestly try to treat people with respect. When someone doesn't do that though, either to me or to someone else that I know, it's hard for me to hold my tongue. It's hard for me not to snap back. 

A mid level exec once told me that if you want to move forward in business (or life), someone has to be able to come into your office, take a shit on your desk, and you have to be able to smile and say thanks. I'm working on this, but it's tough. I won't go into my horrible psychology that makes me nearly unable to tolerate that behavior, but it's important that I get rid of it. It's important that even when disrespected, I respond with respect and not anger.

Because, what we're talking about here, are relationships. We're talking about future friends and acquaintances. We're talking about book sales. We're talking about furthering ourselves in life. I'm 26, and I don't know much about the world, but I believe that to be true. 

You can do nothing without other's investment, and to get that investment, you have to build relationships. You have to deal with rude people; you have to deal with stupidity. This might seem a bit Randian, or Darwinistic, that I'm saying we build relationships to further ourselves--but if you don't think that's true, then I'm not sure you're thinking about this the right way. Even with love, we are trying to find happiness, so we build a world with someone else who will help fulfill this happiness. It's self interest that does it. 

Build relationships, do it genuinely whenever possible, and fake it if you have to. But build them. Have someone that you can call for any situation and know that they'll answer. Be the person that someone can call in any situation, and make sure you answer. It's the only way to move ahead.

And remember to smile.


  1. Well said. I agree that connections are what it's all about. I pretty much view the words of this guy Alex Steed as my personal mission statement: "We can only find satisfaction in a high-tech, hyper-connective present/future if we are careful to use these advancements to build upon—not separate ourselves from—a meaningful, collective intimacy." (
    But here's the thing about connections. Like you, I dislike how writers on Twitter mostly just advertise their work and don't *say* anything. Aside from what they say in their books, what are we looking for from them? I honestly think it's dialogue. For me, that's what connections are now. Maybe a healthy disagreement about the final David Foster Wallace book and whether it was any good. Or someone telling me how I'm really missing out if I don't check out the new Batman movie.
    I mean, come on! So many of us are writers, so why aren't we talking about writing more?
    I like your posts. Keep it up.

  2. Couldn't agree more. Stop spamming me, talk to me.

    Thanks for reading!